It’s been one year since I wrote on this site. Soon after I wrote my last post on fertility treatments, I got pregnant with our little miracle.
I was dying to scream at the top of my voice from the highest mountain peak for the whole world to hear and share my joy but I was scared. I was really really scared. I spent almost every day of my pregnancy in fear of losing my baby; fear that something would happen to her; fear of all kinds. What if my messed up hormones cause a miscarriage? What if I am not providing enough nourishment to the baby? What if I pass on my PCOS to her? Will my obesity affect the baby in any way? Will all the hormones kick in at the right time to help me deliver the baby normally? After I have the baby will I be able to breastfeed?
Some people might think I am paranoid. May be I am. But the amount of time I spend wishing something, I couldn’t believe that it had finally come true. And if I share that it might all come crashing down. May be I will wake up one day and someone will laugh at me and tell me it was all a dream! If it is a dream, I don’t want to wake up and interrupt the dream. No, I didn’t think I had it in me to handle that. Hiding was easy.
In fact, I wrote articles pretty regularly but I didn’t have the courage to post. What if I jinx it? What if I share and something happens? Will I be able to handle it? I decided I couldn’t. It was easy for me to hide for the entire 9 months, have the bundle of joy in my hands and then share the news.
Now I have my little miracle in my hands – a beautiful baby girl who is looking at me and smiling; I feel blessed every single minute I hold her. Even now I have my fears – my PCOS is wreaking havoc with breastfeeding. It takes quite a bit of effort from my part to keep my supply up. But now I do it for her. I am channeling all my energy into providing the best I can for her and enjoying every moment with her.
In the last 12 months, I have explored and learned about a LOT of PCOS issues related to pregnancy and breastfeeding, effects of different medications, hereditary and environmental contribution to PCOS and a lot more. I will start posting those again. I have a newborn who needs me, so I am not going to promise ‘x’ number of articles every week, but I will post a lot more than I have ever done so far. I will share whatever I have learned that might help other cysters. Some of the article timing might be a little confusing because I originally wrote that while being pregnant. I will note the timing at the top if it is one of those articles.
A very Happy New Year to you all!