Anti-Conformists and Diets
Friday, November 3rd, 2006I was doing my daily stuffing of the face and I had a revelation. I was looking over my bad habits and I saw a pattern. The more people said I should do something that I thought was superficial, the less I wanted to do it. Going on a diet, makes me feel like I have given in to peer pressure.
I know that being healthy is important from your work life to your family life, but there is still an emotional block. Why? I don’t want people looking at me after my weight loss and saying “Whew, she finally realized how ugly she looked and did something about it. Thank God!” You know how people talk these days. This emotional block is not something I was aware of until I did some inner soul searching. In the past, it seemed that my family would down talk and degrade me, but proclaim, “Oh, I just care about your health.” In fact, the way the talked to me said the opposite… They just didn’t want a fat relative. “Fat relatives are to be looked down on and told how ugly they are. If no one tells them, how else would they know?” This is how they talked to me and it lives with me to this day. I just didn’t know it. So now I rebel quietly. Eating whatever I want and sticking my middle finger up to the superficial bastards of the world. The ones whose only goal in life is to look good and make others feel bad for the slightest little flaw. They say things like Ohh she’s beautiful, but she needs to lose a little bit or weight. These days it seems that America is more obsessed with weight than a drug addict with crack. Every time I lose a few pounds that’s all they talk about. “Ohh you lost weight, now you look like a real human being.” Well they don’t say the last part, but by the way the harp on it, it seems fitting.
I admit I am angry. Angry that others feel that I should be looked down upon because of my size. I know this is not good. It is not good that I continue to hurt myself due to others. I thought I was stronger. It is easier said than done to put it out of my mind. To look beyond superficial people and learn to live with it. How do I get past others. Right now I don’t go see my Family, because I they talk about is looks, hair and weight. Just ridiculous.
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